South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
