wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
