some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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