Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
