Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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