so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I miss vodka workout Fridays
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
