His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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