Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
