but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
