I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
