VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
