For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize