i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
