I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
What drink are we having for lunch?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
