You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
