I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
