Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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