Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
