I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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