five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
