I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
