just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
