I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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