HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
