I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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