I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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