I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
