Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
