First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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