so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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