At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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