I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
