you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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