two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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