Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Randomize
