I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize