And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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