im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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