omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
