but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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