once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
