Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
