not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
