when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize