she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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