well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just cropdusted the office
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
