don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
