I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I could make wine with my vomit
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
