Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize