he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
