I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
