How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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