Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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