I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
