I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
