There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
