they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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