I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize