Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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