I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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