He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
