I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
my sisters under your porch take her home
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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