How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
