i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
