you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
