Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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