omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
