I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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