if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
