My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
