so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
