You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
