girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
