I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
